Contests : Wergle Flomp Free Poetry Contest : Past Winners : 2011 : Alicia Ruskin
SPEAKING OF SPEAKING
Good evening and welcome.
Before we begin, please turn off any cell phones, pagers, watches
free standing inserts, November, dogma, the capitals of Europe and fleece.
And why not take a moment now to unwrap that cough drop or hard candy
suck on it, spit it out, cry me a river, rewrap and place just outside the realm
of the possible.
And so in conclusion press the dough firmly into the pan with two fingers.
In the event of a water landing, your worst childhood fears will inflate.
Simply tear off the tab with the tab marked tab and form as many new words
as possible in the allotted time.
I'd like to draw your attention.
There will be one intermission followed by an interval followed by the smell of vanilla.
At this time in the presentation it is unwise to climb every mountain.
Is that what you're wearing?
When a bell rings on earth an angel in heaven
looks around and says What the hell was that?
My name is Peggy and I'm an inexplicable soubriquet for Margaret.
I cannot stress enough.
Red leather yellow leather red leather yellow leather
Ladies and gentlemen, turn to page one one hundredths in your book.
Let's have a nice round of contempt for the next generation.
If you're seated to the right of the person to your left
consider yourself warned.
Here's Greg with the weather.
When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much
I've had just about enough
Ask not what your country can do for you,
but bear in mind which came first.
Our next piece is by no means
G thirty three B twenty five O nine
Is this on?
This poem won third prize in the 2011 Wergle Flomp humor poetry contest sponsored by Winning Writers. Author Alicia Ruskin received a cash prize of $400.
About Alicia Ruskin
Alicia began writing early and often, with her first published poem at age 9 and a prizewinning jingle for KFC at 11. She placed in the finals of a national high school creative writing competition, and went on to a career as an actor and then as a talent agent in Los Angeles. For many years her writing was confined to redlining contracts and editing other people's emails, but recently she has taken up pen (mouse?) again and read her work at Hotel Café, Fake Gallery and Beyond Baroque. Alicia's poems have been published in small press anthologies, and she is shopping around an idea for a book based on the fine art of damning with faint praise.