Food and Wine Rant
Bay Area Food & Wine, April 14, 2019
1066 A.D.
This Michelin-starred go-to spot in the Fi Di offers genre defying concepts. Hand-crafted martinis with locally sourced cocktail onions brined with paprika from the Guadalentin Valley in Southeastern Spain (in a nod to his English roots the chef grows these little white pearl beauties out of his back yard), artful flatbreads slathered in chicken skin butter with renderings steeped in squid ink, and organic kale sliders (gluten free optional). The space here is captivatingly mid-century, the service sardonic. Modern edges and sharp angles abound. The 15-course tasting menu ($345) certainly delivers when paired with a couple pours of the 1850 D'Oliveira Verdehlo ($260/glass). Go native—try the spicy head cheese and duck offal confit. The cauliflower and hen of the wood mushroom entree lacks culinary luster but hey, it's vegetarian. What do you expect? Do you want to walk away from a meal wondering about the nature of food, the universe? Life itself? Don't be so god damned precious. Who can afford this shit? For those of you who keep tabs on these sorts of intrigues I did not get the restaurant critic promotion. I toast my new boss, 30 years my junior!
Bay Area Food & Wine, May 5, 2019
Last Man Standing Brasserie
The dining zeitgeist that won't go away! This place totally shatters expectations. It's genre defying. The scooter-toting child boss is going to eat this stuff up. It's got a certain molecular magic. I keep asking myself, is it delicious enough? The Bees Wax Scented ice cream parfait is to die for! Bees wax? Are you kidding me?
Bay Area Food & Wine, June 2, 2019
Tiger Tail Pizzeria
Turns out she did not like my last review. Said it sounded like Last White Male Standoff. So here we are today at this new rising star of the Mission. And the real star of this story is the Pinsa Montesacre with organic black kale, Calabrian chilies and garum. Whatever that is. Consider it a deconstructed torte. Paired with a curated selection of ales with a 40 or higher IBU on the International Bitterness Units Scale. Fuck. It's a $38 dollar pizza. Can't we just get a god damned slice of pie and a normal beer? I would like to convey my sincere appreciation for your continued support of these reviews. I am currently undergoing a change of circumstance and am in discussions with a news distributor in the Western Pennsylvania area. Stay tuned, Foodies! Catch me soon @food&winerant
The Lycoming Valley Mall Shopper, September 15, 2019
Derrick's, State Highway 54
Greetings foodies! I've moved in with my elderly mother in Central Pennsylvania! We are going to get to know the food scene here and you're gonna love it. Let's start with this little gem right off State Highway 54. Video and vittles. Who doesn't love that? Ask yourself, did this menu surprise me? Specializing in Indian, Chinese and Amish food. Specializing! A nice biriyani with a dollop of chicken fried white rice and a bottomless glass of Dr. Pepper. Man oh man I should've made the move back home years ago! Catch me next week on Food & Wine Rant— Time to rethink Cracker Barrel? And how do you like it best? The top shoo-fly pie spots—wet or dry? @food&winerant
The Lycoming Valley Mall Shopper, November 10, 2019
The Sticky Elbow
Foodies! I am now writing to you from inside a Starbucks inside a Walmart because my mother's cat peed on the internet cable and shorted out the house. Truly. This dump smells like vomit and Clorox and three kids are simultaneously screaming for lattes. So let's talk about the Sticky Elbow today. No spiritual vibes of the tasting format here folks. And the table side spectacle? Kids! In highchairs. Boosters. And they throw food too. My recommendation? Just order the goddamn pizza. With some little nitrite flavored pepperonis for the kiddos. Next week a double delight! Locally sourcing your scrapple and how to get shot out of the bird before the Big Day! @food&winerant
The Lycoming Valley Mall Shopper, December 31, 2019
Chez Maman
Foodies: Sending you love and nostalgia as we ring in the new year this evening from my mother's 1950s kitchen. Do you remember those avocado green blenders you gave your moms in 1968? Time to pull those classic babies out of their obscurity in the back cupboard. I am living proof they can turn out a mean smoothie: 1 part ice to 3 parts vodka. Enjoy! And here's to a brand new year. Bring it on 2020! @food&winerant
