Rooster Bill
A long time ago down in Little Rock,
lived a farmer they called Rooster Bill,
who boasted that he had the biggest cock
from Arkansas to Capitol Hill.
His cock was all Bill talked about
to anyone who would listen.
"If you haven't seen it," he would often shout,
"you've no idea what you're missin'."
"I'll put him up against any young bird
but you know they'll be in for a lickin',
he's the cream of the flock, I give you my word.
Shucks, even the chickens are chicken."
"Every mornin' my cock is up before me!"
Bill would spout in his most Southern drawl.
"Feathered breast pumping for all to see,
pecker raised in sweet revelry call."
"His future is all but in the bag,
he's one cock that just won't stay down.
I call him the comeback kid," Bill would brag,
"this bird has his eye on the crown."
"I challenge y'all to beat my cock."
Bill would cry at the County fair,
while standing on top of a soap box
holding his bird up in the air.
And so it would go most every place
where people gathered or flocked,
Bill sticking his cock in everyone's face,
while on and on he talked.
Now, it's true Bill's cock was large in size,
it stood well past his knees.
Flanked by sturdy muscled thighs,
his cock was bred to please.
But the town and county round about
grew tired of his speeches,
Bill and his cock, without a doubt,
had gotten 'neath their breeches.
A plan was hatched with Southern style,
folks code named it Salutations,
whereby Bill would not suspect their guile
while they got rid of his ejaculations.
They told Rooster Bill he should represent State,
that for him and his cock they'd campaign.
They made up some banners and held a parade,
then put Bill and his cock on a train.
"Go get em' Bill," they cheered aloud
from that purchased part of the land.
Bill promised that he'd do them proud,
and their ruse worked better than planned.
Alas the story didn't stop,
Bill and his cock kept at it,
they pushed until they reached the top
and every bird had had it.
And so it finally came to pass,
to credit Rooster Bill,
his cock did make it there at last,
the biggest on the Hill.
No other cock could stand beside
Bill's cock in all its glory.
The few that still rose up and tried
left beat and shrunk and sorry.
Then came a day that word came down
and it settled like a pall,
a rising star had come to town
as tough as Bill's was tall.
This new cock was all the rage,
He's fast! He's unforgiving!
While Bill's, they said, was soft with age,
...and too much easy living...
Speculation ran red hot,
Can Rooster's old cock do it?
Does this new star have a shot?
Will either one come through it?
"A Challenge Has Been Posed"
The Hill was all a-feather.
Those for Bill, those opposed,
held two ends of a tether.
It came, at last, the night of the bout,
the star and Bill's cock squared off,
but just as the sound of the bell rang out
Bill's cock began to cough.
It made some choking chicken sounds,
it swayed from side to side,
it shuddered once and then fell down,
"My cock is sick!" Bill cried.
Bill held his cock, he shook it,
then he glared into the crowd.
"Something here is crooked."
He challenged good and loud.
Amid some questions and some doubt...
Read the morning Press
...Rooster Bill pulled his cock out...
...and left us all to guess...
New evidence then came to light
that fueled the rhetoric.
Dressing room liquids—Night of fight
What made Bill's cock so sick?
"I've never pulled my cock before."
Bill said to all concerned
"All fabrications, nothing more."
But then the tables turned.
Proof recovered from a towel
that Rooster's cock had soiled
shows compounds harmful to a fowl...
...the fight was clearly spoiled...
Bill took it all standing straight
as they called him every name,
as they wrote him off and sealed his fate,
as they banned him from the game.
What old Bill had wanted most
and had almost attained,
that legendary status post,
had been forever stained.
In time they left the Hill behind,
deposed, defamed, deflated.
A beaten bird grown old and blind,
a former farmer hated.
They still get on okay I've heard,
Bill's taken up cigars.
I can picture him smoking and stroking his bird,
underneath the stars.
They found their peace is now the talk
and that's a comfortably fitting end,
for Rooster Bill and his big cock,
a man and his best friend.
