The Daring Escape (and Return) of the Three Muscatels
Three aunties resided at Leisurely Day,
two of them sisters, Lenore and Renee.
Althea they met at the Happy Hour mixers
indulging in all sorts of boozy elixirs.
Speaking of which, the three were inclined
to tipple with ripple (that's fortified wine).
"The Three Muscatels," as people would whisper,
though none of the three really thought it a diss, per
usual found themselves restless, no doubt,
Wordled, Sudoku'd, and Crossworded out.
When one of the three, I believe Aunt Lenore,
saw that Michael Bublé would perform at the For-
um. When they heard their idol would be in town crooning
the aunties imagined an evening of swooning.
The Three Muscatels were excited to go
but knew Leisurely Day would respond with Hard No.
Though evening excursions were sure against policy,
these three had reps for behaving quite lawlessly.
Curfew was sundown, this boring regime,
so they fretted and vetted and hatched several schemes.
They toyed with disguises then thought they might rustle
a bouncer or bodyguard, someone with muscle.
Lenore, the bossy one, found herself pressed,
asked Ate a question, an urgent request.
"Can you find Wendall and bring him along?
He'll distract the night nurse in case something goes wrong."
Now Wendall was nephew to Auntie Althea.
Suave and audacious, a swank fifty-three. Ya
his style and good looks made him awful endearing.
And, unlike Althea, was not hard of hearing.
For when Wendall was mentioned the message was muddled.
Althea heard "Ken Doll" so grew quite befuddled.
To be fair, when Althea repeated the ask,
Chance the gardener strolled by with his biweekly task.
Leaf blower duty was Chance's forte
and—wouldn't you know it—was scheduled that day.
And the loud and cacophonous leaf relocation
came just as Althea sought clarification.
"Ken Doll?" she queried as Chance revved the blower.
"Yes, Wendall," they nodded and so it would go. Her
resolve for success to break their confinement
fueled her tenacity for her assignment.
Lenore yelled, "Make sure that he wears something formal!"
Confused as she was, Auntie A acted normal.
She nodded though clearly her thoughts were not clear,
the noise drowning all bids to think or to hear.
She headed in search of a Ken Doll Deluxe
in a posh smoking jacket or maybe a tux!
In the meantime the sisters considered all questions.
Renee tried to offer some helpful suggestions.
"What if it's hard to finesse the night nurse?
I've a taser and pepper spray—right in my purse!"
But the more they considered a likely scenario,
"Bribe" sounded better than tasing poor Mario.
Althea returned from her quest for Ken grail,
not quite succeeding though not quite a fail.
"He's not wearing a tux," reported his auntie,
"Instead lime green swim trunks...they're really quite jaunty!"
They huddled in thought but then popped up quite cheerier.
Beachwear they reckoned was even superior!
All their cash pooled—one could only describe
as more than a tip, but not nearly a bribe.
They realized they needn't devolve into scam.
They'd just need a can of his favorite food, Spam!
Thrilled that their game-plan was surely a winner,
the aunties relaxed over cocktails and dinner.
Concert day came and the aunties, a-glow,
dropped off some Spam neatly tied with a bow.
Nurse Mario thanked them and asked the occasion.
They shrugged and said, "Friday?", a clever evasion.
Mario, busy with work and distracted,
was clueless when aunties' escape was enacted!
The evening was glorious, perfect, a gem.
Almost like Bublé sang only to them!
The aunties, still buzzing with music and glee
would realize on their way back to LD:
Where's Wendall? Wasn't he going to assist?
And here's when Althea she knew that she missed
an important component, the gist and the drop,
because of an awkwardly heard malaprop.
Lenore glowered and grumped. Renee just said, "Oh dear.
I suppose we'll just have to, well, play it by ear."
When they tried to sneak back (keep in mind they'd been boozing)
what helped them was Mario's on and off snoozing.
They figured just tip-toeing works like a charm,
then, wouldn't you know it, they tripped the alarm!
Mario jolted awake and just then,
Althea thought, hey, what the hell, we have Ken.
Ridiculous though it may seem, to recall,
she brandished her Ken doll, lime board shorts and all.
Althea just meant to distract from their plight
but instead gave the night nurse a terrible fright.
Mario screamed at this confounding sight,
and yeeted the Spam with all of his might.
Outside he heard a loud bump and an "ouch,"
while inside he hid right behind a large couch.
He ended up beaning Lenore in the noggin.
She really was fine, just more in a fog and
Renee truly stepped up and, what do you know,
took charge in a way that was go with the flow.
She explained all the fuss and the muss and ado
though she may have left out a cringe detail or two.
Poor Mario, no longer freaked out and frantic,
still rightfully peeved at the three aunties' antics,
admonished the rebels who gave him a fright:
"This is Leisurely Day, folks, not Leisurely Night!"
They said, "Sorry! You have every right to dislike us."
He still shared his Spam they retrieved from the ficus.
And while they were at it they toasted their truce
with, what else, a bottle of cheap no-no juice.
Now one would assume that this awe and this shock'll
dissuade the three aunties from further debacle.
Yet Leisurely Day would come to know well
so much more of the pluck of the Three Muscatels.
