To A Moose
On hooking her up to a plough
Not so wee, sleekit, cow'rin tim'rous moosie
O, what a panic's in thy hoofsie
Thou need na be taken awa twas harsh
More dangerous than herding highland cattle
I rin an' chased thee from the marsh
Wi gonna need a really big pattle
I'm truly sorry thou canna be loose
I had to enslave thee brown moose
And just as thou are big and strong
I didn't mean to thee startle
Thou do not have a sharp prong
I am but a mortal
I doubt na, this could take awhile
What then? Poor moosie, I'll climb a stile
And the harness I'll attach and tie
Don't budge is my request
I'll get a blessing if I don't die
Because I know thou are piss't
That wee bit strap now in ruin
And the droppings a strewin!
If it's nae Scottish it's crap
O' foggy morn
I set up a moose trap
My muscles are now torn
Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste
But I was comin' fast
And the trap thou tried to rin past
Thou once stood five feet tall
Still crash! Hooked up to something at last
I didn't mean to hurt thou at all
All I wanted was a pull for the plough
At the cost of a solitary moose cow
Now thou's turn'd out, it was too much trouble
The moose cannot pull
Me from my own rubble
Of being a brutal and selfish bull
But moosie, I have nothing to gain
Standing here as your enemy in vain
The best laid schemes O' Bullwinkle's wink
It's time to let loose
The scotch, ales, and moosehead I drink
As I free the she moose
Still thou art blest, compar'd wi 'me
Nature, I dare not toucheth thee
But och I will not be kicked in the pants
I will stay clear
Thou art free to enjoy the acquatic plants
I will miss you my Dear.
Sent as a joke to Pen Pushers Publications
