A Mother’s Musings
Nirupama Kotru
Tom Howard/John H. Reid Poetry Contest 2012 (view all the winners)
Most Highly Commended
When you were but a thought, my child,
I had dreams about you.
I dreamt about the day you would cross the road holding my hand,
Mother and son, a pretty picture.
I thought of your first day at school,
How heartbroken I would be when you left the house, crying.
I dreamt of your first birthday,
I thought of the day you would learn to make a friend,
Your first bicycle, your first toy,
Your first scrape, your first treat,
Your first fight, and the first time you will realize that not everyone
in the world outside loves you as much.
I wanted to be there with you, my child, at every step.
I wanted you to reach out to me when you had a bad dream.
Today, I have no time for you.
I don't know your joys and sorrows,
I have stopped gauging your deepest fears,
When you are hurt, I am not there to console you,
When you have a bad dream, it's your sister you go to for comfort.
When you are happy, I am not the one who learns the reason,
When you are sad, I fail to sense your sorrow.
I can't remember when I last visited your school.
When you were saying your first words on stage,
I was listening to a VIP's speech.
When you were dancing and singing with your classmates,
It was other parents who cheered for you.
I can't remember when I last gave you a hug for no reason.
Can't remember when files took over every waking hour.
Your mother's world has changed, dearest,
You are too small to understand.
Your mother has grown too big,
Her heart has grown too small.
