Babysitting BluesI've baby-sat children before
Between the ages of ten and four.
Kids this age can speak and think,
And know how to eat and drink.
To these kids I know what to say
I know fun games to make them play.
And most of all I keep them quiet
And make them fall asleep at night.
By telling them tales, both old and new
Fairy tales, ancient legends too.
A month ago my cousin sis,
Was looking for a patient miss
To watch her little one year old
Who, she claimed, was good as gold.
"He is such a darling boy!"
She exclaimed with pride and joy.
"You don't have to do a thing
Except, perhaps a song to sing
Before you put him down at night
And turn off his bedroom light."
"How hard can it be?" I mused.
Boy, was I dumb and confused!
Lured by the excellent pay,
And the thought he'd sleep all day.
I agreed and I said yes,
And landed myself in a mess.
For babies are a different deal,
They often tend to shout and squeal.
ALL they do is cry and weep,
And NEVER, EVER fall asleep!
But these truths were all revealed
Long after my own fate was sealed.
I arrived at my cousin's place
Calm and with a smiling face.
Alas, poor me, how could I know?
That my mind would go.
And she left me with baby Sam
Sleeping cradled in my hands.
So to his cot I quietly kept
And within it I him kept.
But that's when he began to shout
And he threw his toys about.
When I fed him baby mush
He puked it out in one big rush.
I tried to soothe him, pat his head
He decided to bite me instead!!
He pulled my hair and broke his cup
And SEVEN TIMES did he throw up.
And by the time I cleaned Sam's mouth
From the other end he began to spout.
I changed his diaper fifty times
And tried to teach him nursery rhymes.
But it was all of no avail,
At this job I'd surely failed.
When for a second my back was turned,
A dish of milk he'd overturned,
He was sitting, giggling in the mess
Spoiling both his rug and dress.
By the time I got him changed,
He'd filled his diaper once again.
While his bottom I sadly cleaned
And thought, "This is a terrible dream."
But then, wonders will never cease
Sam's breathing began to ease.
He stopped all his evil giggles
And he ceased to squirm and wriggle.
His tiny eyes he slowly closed
And baby snores came from his nose.
And holding him still in my lap,
I finally got to take a nap.
When at last my cousin came,
No traces of mayhem remained.
And she was overjoyed to see
The sleeping bundle on my knee.
"How clean and quiet you've kept him dear!
I told you there's nothing to fear!"
I smiled sadly, pocketed the cash
And from her home began to dash,
Before she had a chance to speak
And say to me, "Same time, next week!"