misophonia
misophonia (noun)
mi-sō-ˈfō-nē-ə
a condition in which one or more common sounds (such as the ticking of a clock, the hum of a fluorescent light, or the chewing or breathing of another person) cause an atypical emotional response (such as disgust, distress, panic, or anger) in the affected person hearing the sound
—Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Finger-snapping applause. Pouring liquids in commercials. The way mothers say my baaaby. Craig's dumbfuck voice. My Chinese-firecracker knee. Studies show… Southern accents when they come out of my mouth. Any musical not starring Tim Curry in drag. The parallel universe version of me that thinks he knows how to beatbox. Ralphie from A Christmas Story. How my shoes scuff the ground no matter how often my father's voice reminds me to pick up my feet. That one song by Buckcherry. When my mother says my middle name since it's my father's first and that means she probably screamed it mid-orgasm once or twice. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Sincerity. The sound I make when I stand up or sit down or lie still or breathe. A Cracker Barrel waitress' voice. Thank you for your service. Jangly earrings. Ice cream trucks. Seagulls thinking they're tough shit. A mime's inner monologue. Being told I survived Afghanistan because my holy company commander was holy Billy Graham's holy grandson by my holier-than-thou aunt. Senior citizens asking what my satanic band shirt says. My neighbor telling me his dog used to love the family that lived here because they'd give her little pieces of sausage and scratch her just behind the ear she really loves that and did you know the owners of the general store went to school with him fifty years ago when they grew up in this town and never left because he had webbed feet so that's why he couldn't go to Vietnam where his brother Darryl did two tours since they got his paperwork wrong like the Kenton County DMV always does because they're run by commie-liberal soy boys who think government runs on wishes and dreams and everyone deserves a handout like this is Lenin's Marxist Russia just how Alex Jones said they're putting chemicals in the water to turn the friggin' frogs gay. Garth Brooks.
