Rules for Poetry
Never use adjectives
unless you're trying to describe something
and you don't want to do it the hard way
Never use the word "forever"
It reminds people theyíre going to die
and the last thing you need is people distracted
by their mortality during your poem
Write what you know
Unless you're a fool, in which case
look to the internet, and write about something there.
Avoid vowels
and their angry sister
the letter Y
Avoid cliche
On the other hand...
Learn the difference between
epigraphs
epigrams and
episiotomies
Use as few words as possible
In fact, hand out blank sheets of paper
and tell people it's your finest work
If you ever use the phrase "darkness in my soul"
be prepared for me to come to your house
and kill you
If you're going to write in form, do it right.
For example, as I understand it, a haiku
is eight hundred words written while
sitting on a cheesecake
Line breaks are important
but use them carefully, once you've broken a line
its mother will never forgive you
Finally, go to poetry workshops
sometimes they serve food and
you can't write poetry if you're dead
because you forgot to eat
