Sexual Positions for Those No Longer Young
Too old, too old for reverse cowgirl
or anything with the word “donkey” in it
except for The Ambling Blackpooler.
We make up our own dances for the divans:
The Upturned Mouse, The Irish Potato,
The Half-full Cup of Tea, The Tipsy Llama;
The Sideways Organ-grinder, and this time
it's your turn to be the monkey.
They mustn't sound like cocktails or perfumes
—the Tom Jones Semitone, for instance.
Stick to The Chuckle Brothers Cha Cha Cha,
Getting Right Into the Corners
(an important one, that),
The Disgruntled Librarian, The Belgium.
Darling, darling, let's try—Servicing the Caravan,
Polishing the Bevelled Edge, The Newt,
The Plumber's Lunch Break, The Mothy Woollen,
Happy Hour at the Gardening Centre,
The Tiptoe Tremble with Tray,
The Assembly Instructions in Japanese;
The Summer Pudding, The Slip-on Shoe,
The Countdown Conundrum,
The Saggy Bagpuss Squish, The Torville & Dean,
Bargain Hunt, The Antiques Road Show,
The Reconditioned Hoover.
Together we'll write The Saga Sutra.