The Rape of the Cock
An Heroi-Comical Poem
What dire nonsense from amorous causes springs,
What horrid undoings a knife brings,
I sing—This verse to Dike and Peneus:
For this, even Bobbitt might stop to hear us:
Small is the subject, but not so the ways,
That Dike needs justice, Peneus play.
Say what strange motive, Goddess! could persuade
A girl to prune the phallus of her rake?
Oh say, what sound reason, yet still unseen
Could make Lorena a sawing machine?
In acts so raw can sharp women engage
And without a holster the member rage?
But when from savage groins rises temper,
How soon barbarous men lose their member!
Coitus so cruelly interrupted,
Before young Bobbitt could poke and prod it.
The Ginsu knife the sacred rod dissever,
From the fair hot head a-rising lever.
The carver cried, "the glorious prize is mine,
Let the beast relinquish his lame love vine!"
And thus broke out—"My phallus, why, what the devil!
My sorrows flow for a wife uncivil.
Forever foul be this detested day,
Which snatched my snake, my favorite part away!
Oh hadst thou, harsh! been content to seize
Parts more in sight, or any parts but these!"
Lorena drives with more than mortal ire,
And fierce Thalestris fans the rising fire.
With Dike in mind and penis in hand,
Bold Lorena raced from her unhinged man.
Triumphant wife, from out her car window,
Did litter the streets with the flesh of her foe.
Sans-Peneus Bobbitt lacked the power,
To engage in a search and the land scour.
"Restore the cock!" yelled the fleet of shocked cops,
Until in the grass did they see the lone chop.
For brevity's sake, everything cut short,
From cantos to limbs and all time in court.
But trust the Muse—she saw it upward rise,
Though scarred by sword, it did not wilt and die.
A sudden star, it shot out more than air,
And shone ahead a new fiery affair.
Footnotes
Based on an actual incident. In 1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was dismembered by his allegedly battered wife, Lorena, who after severing his penis with a knife, drove through Virginia streets and tossed his penis out the car window into a convenience store parking lot. The police recovered the penis and doctors were able to successfully reattach it to John Wayne Bobbitt. Since then, Mr. Bobbitt has proven his resiliency in porn films such as "Frankenpenis" and "John Wayne Bobbitt...Uncut."
Dike—Dike was the Greek goddess of justice for humanity. Her mother, Themis, was the goddess of divine justice. Dike was born a human and put on earth to keep justice. When Zeus, her father, saw that was impossible, he brought her up to the gods and goddesses to sit on the opposite side of her mother, next to him.
Peneus—The god of a river in Thessaly, son of Oceanus and Tethys. He is the father of Daphne, the nymph who was persued by Apollo.
love vine—a leafless parasitic vine with dense clusters of small white bell-shaped flowers on orange-yellow stems that twine around clover or flax.
Thalestris—The name of an Amazon.
