This Is a Test
As I sit in the soundproof booth
I wonder why I am here
staring at the oddly situated
statue of Minnie Mouse
on the ledge in the corner
which sparks the question,
was Minnie deaf?
You'll hear ascending tones
the audiologist said
handing me the clicker
Click when the sound starts
I wait a long time for the first
or maybe it had already sounded?
I clicked anyway—just in case.
Next you'll hear sentences—repeat them
This will be easier for me, I'm certain.
The man walks down the lit garden path.
The ocean waves crash on the shore.
A party on the iceberg was full of cat chow.
The hot log spender pouted proudly.
...something about a horse.
Next will be sentences with increasing background noise
Uh oh, this could get ugly.
Repeat all or as much of the sentence as you can
She has a shiny red convertible car
They drank the occupied territory incompletely
The mouse had colon pewter pancakes
...something about frozen somethings
When the test was complete
the doctor looked at me gravely
like she had just heard an alien language
which indeed she had
she looked at me like I was old
which indeed I was
and I began to understand why I was there
