Untitled (“My younger days…”)
My younger days were never dull,
we always had a laugh...
some things were embarrassing
and some were simply daft..
the worst thing I can think of,
without a lot more thought,
was when we tried to bunk a train
and three of us got caught..
the station was deserted,
the ticket office shut..
I couldn't buy one anyway
in my financial rut.
we had to get to london,
the trains were not too fluent,
school was twenty miles away
and we'd been playing truant..
the platform on the station
was open on one side,
a train was stood there waiting,
we thought we'd bum a ride..
we sneaked across the platform
and got inside the train.
the three of us were freezing
and soaking from the rain..
"I couldn't get much wetter,"
my mate said with a sigh,
"I think our luck's got better,
we'll soon be warm and dry."
(now there's a good example
of speaking much too soon,
we weren't about to have much luck
that rainy afternoon)..
things were looking up for us,
I opened up my bag..
found the pack of playing cards
to play a game of brag..
just then we heard a dreaded sound
that made me feel unsteady...
"tickets please," (it made me freeze)
"make sure you have them ready"..
we weren't completely cornered,
the carriage had a loo..
I looked inside and said "oh s**t
there's hardly room for two"..
so thinking fast we bundled in
and all stood on the crapper,
we linked arms like a rugby scrum,
our balance was quite dapper..
we thought the clever thing to do
was not to turn the lock,
and then the guy would walk right by
and wouldn't think to knock..
we knew the hand of destiny
was very nearly on us..
his voice was just outside the door,
one sound and we were goners..
I heard the door hinge squeaking,
(the outlook was quite dismal)
and then a woman shrieking,
"my god, that's so abysmal"..
then, just to rub salt in the wound,
we heard the woman say..
"there's three young lads inside the loo,
I think they might be gay"..
the ticket guy was rather pleased,
in fact he looked enraptured..
he made us do the walk of shame
to show that we'd been captured..
the worst of it was yet to come,
he called the school inspector up
to meet us at the station..
ironically, although the teachers
did their best to shame us..
the kids at school thought we were cool
and we became quite famous..