Wharton Hears a…Who?
"I went to the Wharton School of Finance," he said multiple times in a July 11 speech in Phoenix, Ariz. "I'm, like, a really smart person." —The Daily Pennsylvanian
On a sweltering day in the city of Philly
the doughty old school thought it heard something silly—
one of the candidates speaking in AZ
was flaunting his Wharton credentials like crazy.
"I'm smart," he proclaimed to the masses before him,
"really smart," and the crowd, well, it seemed to adore him.
But Wharton was stumped, for it couldn't recall
this word-challenged alum. Had he gone there at all?
Apparently yes, though it wasn't so easy
for Wharton to locate a person not queasy
at thinking their classmate, this loud spray-tanned lump
of blustering rhetoric, the "deal artist" Trump,
would certainly ruin their good reputation
should anyone claim to have known him. Frustration!
But Wharton was curious, had to find out
if this cretinous bully, this race-baiting lout
could be stopped, so it leaned on his classmates once more
to divulge what they knew of the small-handed boor.
And still they demurred, said they didn't remember
him, nope, not at all. Holy shit! Come November
the know-nothing likely would be on their ballot.
How was this possible? Where was the mallet
for hammering sense into voters so dumb
they'd vote for a guy who'd take the last crumb
from their plates and still tell them it wasn't enough?
What Drumpfkopfs, thought Wharton. It's time to get tough!
If he's so fucking rich he should give us a wad,
get his name on a hall, at least. Seems a bit odd
that he hasn't the smarts to turn talk into action.
Other alums donate big to get traction,
they don't simply brag, and act highfalutin
when really it turns out they're in debt to Putin.
So here's what we'll do, in words we won't mince:
ask for a bequest to prove he's no chintz.
If the deal doesn't suit him, he's not smart at all
and we'll have a new motto inscribed on our wall.
It will reference his character, also his tint,
and of his anatomy give just a hint
(his ego's the thing on which this ploy will hinge):
"An asshole's an asshole no matter how orange."
