Job Search
Graduation Day was months ago
summer vacation's over
you're in the real world now
and...
you have no money.
Awesome.
Okay, okay, don't panic.
Go to the computer.
Find out who is hiring.
Search Engine: Local job openings
Enter
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Oh, a cashier. At a fast food restaurant.
You could do that.
You don't even have to do math anymore.
They use pictures instead of numbers.
Sweet.
That is—
oh...
You need six months of cashiering experience.
...
It must be more complicated than it sounds
using pictures instead of numbers...
...
You know, algebra uses letters instead of numbers
and Algebra class was a living hell.
...Yeah, okay, look again.
...
They need a veterinarian's assistant on 14th and Boone.
You could do that.
...
Oh, you need a couple years of med school in order to be qualified.
Really? Why?
Doesn't the veterinarian do all the...medical stuff?
Couldn't you just...
I don't know...
...pass gauze?
...wipe countertops?
...make...small talk?
...
Okay, fine, you don't actually know what a veterinarian's assistant does.
You better look it up.
...
What's a "stomach clamp?"
...
Oh...
...I'm going to be sick.
Okay, okay, don't vomit.
Just keep looking.
...
A babysitter.
Sure, that could work.
It says that all you need to do is meet the employer in the shady part of town...
bring money...
wear skimpy undergarments...
and bring tongs.
...
Damn it.
You don't have any money.
Or tongs, for that matter.
Look again.
...
A barber.
It says you need one year experience of washing and cutting hair.
Sweet! You actually have that! Now just click apply and—
—NOT including the experience you have of washing and cutting YOUR OWN hair.
...
Well...why the hell not?!
You take great care of your hair!
It's gorgeous!
You should send them a picture of it.
No, no...
You're not that desperate...
Okay, yes you are.
Send them the picture.
...
Well...
I guess these people don't want photos of awesome-looking hair.
...
Just...specify your search.
Search Engine: Local job openings, no experience required
Enter
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A solicitor.
Um...
mom always says that solicitors make pacts with the devil...
but how bad could it be?
Really?
...
What?!
You only make money when you actually sell things?
...I guess that makes sense.
Kind of.
It still sucks though.
No wonder they're such douche bags at the door.
I might have a potentially useful product for you! Either way, just give me my paycheck!
...Do you really want to be a douche bag, too?
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Wow, you're taking a long time to think about this.
Maybe you should go get a second opinion.
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Okay, mom just hit you with a bible several times.
Better keep searching before she brings out the holy water.
...
Oooo, this looks promising.
DO YOU WANT TO MAKE $800 A WEEK?
Um, yeah.
YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPERIENCE! WE'LL TRAIN YOU!
Awesome!
JUST GIVE US YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND BANKING INFORMATION, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU A CALL RIGHT AWAY!
Okay! Yeah!
Quick! Send them the information before someone else gets this amazing deal!
Hurry, you—
Wait...
Don't they need your phone number, too?
...NO, WE DON'T!
...But...how are they going to call...?
...
Maybe I should just go to college.
Search Engine: college applications
Enter
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Son of a bitch!
That's how much TUITION costs?!
What the hell, Obama?!
