For horseshoes press 1, for hand grenades press 2
Please spell the name of the person whose name you are spelling
Please hang your clothes on the line
We're sorry, the number you have dialed is your own number
We're sorry, we can’t come to the phone any more.
If you would like to hear more apologies press 9 now
We're sorry, did you say Iztaccihuatl?
We're really very very sorry.
For denial press 6, for anger press 7, for bargaining press 8, for depression press 9,
for acceptance press 1
For despair press 2, for dementia press 3
For an apology in Spanish press 5
If you are also sorry press 6
We're sorry, did you say stabbed?
If you have a Chinese phone select the button that looks like a crooked house
with a bird on the roof
Please hang up, check the number and try again (after picking up, of course)
For Q press pound, for pound press Q, for Ezra Pound press Q pound
We're sorry, please stay on the ledge and Shorty will be with you
For a press pass prease press 7
We sorry, he not work here. He gone.
For confession press 1, for penance press 2, for extreme unction press 3, for Room
Service press 4
If you are an astronomer press star
If you are reporting a lost dog press pound
If you are an astronomer reporting a lost dog press star pound
If you can't find your car
If you wish you could start over as a child
If you married the wrong person and your heart is frozen
We're sorry, your call is not very important to us
No one will be with you shortly
Please stay on the line.