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The Felching of the Oct’pus
A fun-sized epic in antiheroic couplets, dedicated to: The two rapscallions who challenged me to write it Cephalopod fetishists everywhere and a narrow subset of Japanese businessmen. Now then most wat'ry and slime-crusted muse Invoking the muse Awaken from your dark aquatic snooze; You who have filled the poets' heads…
Daft Idylls
with apologies to Wordsworth I wandered loony as a clod, My belly taut with air that spills, When all at once I heard a broad Report, as if from avian bills; I turned to see what broke the peace: Did wind, my body's, break its leash? As I stood sniffing…
The Rape of the Cock
An Heroi-Comical Poem What dire nonsense from amorous causes springs, What horrid undoings a knife brings, I sing—This verse to Dike and Peneus: For this, even Bobbitt might stop to hear us: Small is the subject, but not so the ways, That Dike needs justice, Peneus play. Say what strange…
First Edition, 2008
1. O, I also enjoy singing about America When I am in the shower O song—O awesome song, O the mouth-song that comes out of my mouth, Like food when I don't feel good. O-hi-O, Cleveland is your capitol. O, how this pen fits in my hand, Like a magic…
And Now, The News
Katie and Tom. Tom and Katie. Katie Katie Katie. Fluffy vermin. Tom jackhammer justice riot flame. Katie. Tom. Katietom or maybe Tommykate. Fandango castle fans outstretched and breaking apart deadly. Tom. Fill 'er up, Katie. Katie, Katie. Tom Tom do the Tom Tom. Fill er up Katie. Doo wop a…
The Castration of Sam McGee
There are strange things done in the midnight sun By the men who mole for gold There are stories there That will curl your hair And make your blood run cold But the strangest sight In the arctic night I ever chanced to see Was that night on the varge…
Pumpernickel
A Poem Written in Mock-Shelley I weep for Pumpernickel—he is dead! O, weep for Pumpernickel! Though our tears Wash not the gore from his head, Nor his paws, nor his fur, nor his tail, nor his ears. Where wert thou mighty God, that morn' about Ten, when he mewed and…
Like a Snow Day
If there were a national holiday called “Five Presidents' Day,” this is how I would commemorate it: I. Richard Nixon A fat little boy who also happens to be a close friend of mine was bouncing a ball down a European street with a warped perspective. The ball eluded him…
D.M. Burns
D.M. Burns is currently studying English at the University of Louisville in Louisville, Kentucky. Most of his writing can be found at his online journal, dearmulan.livejournal.com, in which all work is specifically and carefully addressed to the historical heroine/classic animated character Mulan. His poem “Like a Snow Day” was inspired…
Masculine Message from Damion McGraw
Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself Farm girls know how to party. If anxiety is becoming too much for you to handle… Adventure awaits! Geisha Bingo! Impress your woman with your animal instincts! Confirmation: Petco Card The miracle tool for your johnson Eggstractor—The Hardboiled…
Jim Neill
Jim has been kept from his writing urge by a career in the music business until now. “A career,” his father always told him, “is a job that's gone on for far too long.” He was raised in Amherst, Mass., got a BA in English from the University of Massachusetts,…
How to Write a Poem
To be a poet, You have to drink like a fish, By which I mean: You should do it without any clothes on In the middle of a lake. To be a poet, First you will need A bottle of bottom-shelf whiskey. Now I'm talking whiskey That's so cheap It…
The Tight Thong of J. Alice Prufrock
Theesa panti que resemble dentalia flosse Donned a personas infantilia y flirtatio. Make'a you say, “Who's the bosse?” Mi respondo — “What is the ratio Of flesh to fabrica there?” I shall wear them to prove my tenacio! We are ho's, then, you and I, With our rears spread out…
Yuri Constringe
Phunny Pharm
Wading in the cesspool of self-loathing, Despondent, suicidal, and dejected, Loath to bathe or change from last week's clothing — No monument to hygiene here erected. Limp along, you lame synaptic firings, This mind confused, confounded, and forsaken — Victim to unseen and faulty wirings, Seratonin mostly reuptaken. And yet…
Kakie Mashburn
Kakie (32) is the manager of a research center at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, TN. She has a B.A. from the University of the South (a wee liberal arts college in Sewanee, TN) and continues to write works of zany tomfoolery (sonnets, songs, odes, what not, and what have you).…
Blaming of Parts
Today we have blaming of parts. Yesterday, That piece of shit M-16 we fuckin' tol' you wouldn't work didn't. And Tomorrow we’ll fuckin' plant Waziscowicz, L J, 042 36 3842, who we found deadern' a mackerel cleaning rod slammed down the barrel of his piece no spent brass nowhere so…
Alan Farrell
Brigadier General Alan F. Farrell is a longtime professor who taught French and English at Hampden Sydney College for nearly 25 years before coming to Virginia Military Institute. He holds a B.A.—Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa—from Trinity College in Hartford, CT, a master's in German and another in French…
Ode on a Grecian Formula
Oh sacred libation of Narcissian (sp?) splendor, From thee I reattain, through unpretentious market vendor, Ebon locks once lost, that now renewed, quickly reengender, And mend penis-vital connections with youth, once hindered. The empowering single application of sanctified unction More than libido-enhancing Viagra restores function. The stygian night of repellent,…
S.L. Pierrotti
I have done technical writing and grant writing off and on through the years and published a couple of nonfiction pieces in minor publications. Although I truly love great literature, I only write poetry for fun, more for the love of playing with words than out of any desire (or…
Ron Truman
DEDICATION 1 You Judges! You are judging, are you not, Those poems with which your inbox daily swells? The gods of online contests, you have got Control of literary heavens and hells. Yet some pre-teen, with angsty love besot, Who's rhyming's even worse than how he spells, May blaspheme with…
The Craven
Once upon an early morning, fantasizing til I'm horny Over many disembodied women never touching me before, Woke up feeling mighty funky, stimulated, stiff and spunky, Had the urge to spank the monkey, dreaming of a faceless whore From a dirty movie I had rented nights before — a priceless…
Chris Kuehn
Chris Kuehn resides, writes and teaches in Wisconsin. She won recent recognition for her 2003 feature-length family movie script Toby Noble's School Project in other contests. Chris writes, “I've wanted to attract a larger audience for my writing although this isn't exactly what I had in mind! But, it's no…
An Ode to Buns
Buns are rosy, buns are round, Some spurt gas without a sound; And other buns, without a care, Blow methane with a trumpet blare. Some buns are fountains of delight, Some buns bellow in the night! Some are wrinkled, old, and droopy, Some are fragrant, some are poopy. Pendulous are…
Callaghan Howard
Born in November of 1985, Callaghan Howard has been writing poetry since she was seven. Most of her work, however, takes a rather less farcical tone than that of “An Ode to Buns”, which began as a joke poem for her mother, whose zany sense of humor continues to make…
Untitled (“I want to cut a hole…”)
“Your poetry sparks the imagination and presents the reader with a fresh, unique perspective on life.” Letter from poetry.com to Rick Lupert regarding the following poem… UNTITLED I want to cut a hole in your butt cheek your left butt check and put my COQUE COQUE COQUE in there and…
A Crown of Sonnets
Monday—Old English 'day of the moon' from the Late Latin lunae dies As pewter hills consume the tired Sun and shoals of stars amass in shallow skies, perhaps the Moon considers what she's won; a shadow land which daylight floods with lies? At night, while trees recite their soft refrain…
Phill Doran
I was born in England in 1956. For the last 30 years I have lived in Johannesburg, South Africa; I am married with three children and two grandchildren. I write poetry as I have no choice not to.
Nineteen-Sixty
I wasn't aware I lived a defining moment in history at Greensboro College, a comfortable girls' school; morning chapel required on Tuesdays, dinner served at tables of eight. On Sundays I wore skin toned nylon stockings and lipstick; rode a bus to the church of my choice where Jesus' portrait…
To Misunderstand Mariachi Music
The first mistake is to try to understand. If you must, remember first the land and then the people. Breathe the dryness of its sand. A top-soil of rock and the stingy wisp of volcanic earth declare why Tlaloc, the rain god, is supreme: cough from the dust of the…
Louis Giron
I am a neurologist by day; and a poet at any other time, usually the smallest hours of the night. In San Antonio, I grew up on Bach, Chopin, Beethoven and Mozart—as well as on Lara, Lecuona, Ponce and Granados. But Mariachi music readily came out at parties and fiesta.…
Untitled (“My younger days…”)
My younger days were never dull, we always had a laugh… some things were embarrassing and some were simply daft.. the worst thing I can think of, without a lot more thought, was when we tried to bunk a train and three of us got caught.. the station was deserted,…
Phatt Panda
Dr. Edmund Skellings, 2003 Judge for the Nature of Nature Environmental Poetry Contest
Jendi Reiter interviews Dr. Edmund Skellings, 2003 Judge for the Nature of Nature Environmental Poetry Contest
Best of the Literary Contest Insider Interviews
Best of the Literary Contest Insider Interviews, conducted by Jendi Reiter
Blas Falconer and Amy Wright, Zone 3
Jendi Reiter interviews Blas Falconer and Amy Wright, Zone 3
Rusty Morrison, Co-Editor of Omnidawn Publishing
Jendi Reiter interviews Rusty Morrison, Co-Editor of Omnidawn Publishing
Rick Rofihe, Editor of Anderbo
Jendi Reiter interviews Rick Rofihe, Editor of Anderbo
Timothy Green, Editor of Rattle
Jendi Reiter interviews Timothy Green, Editor of Rattle
Kirstin Hotelling Zona, Editor of SRPR (Spoon River Poetry Review)
Jendi Reiter interviews Kirstin Hotelling Zona, Editor of SRPR (Spoon River Poetry Review)
David Bright, Editor of Gemini Magazine
Jendi Reiter interviews David Bright, Editor of Gemini Magazine
Elizabeth Wagner, Assistant Editor of Mississippi Review
Jendi Reiter interviews Elizabeth Wagner, Assistant Editor of Mississippi Review
Shanna McNair, Editor of The New Guard
Jendi Reiter interviews Shanna McNair, Editor of The New Guard
Frances Everitt, Administrator of the Bridport Prize
Jendi Reiter interviews Frances Everitt, Administrator of the Bridport Prize
Nancy White, Administrator of the Word Works Washington Prize
Jendi Reiter interviews Nancy White, Administrator of the Word Works Washington Prize
Jill Hoffman, Editor of Mudfish
Jendi Reiter interviews Jill Hoffman, Editor of Mudfish
Lori Desrosiers, Editor of Naugatuck River Review
Jendi Reiter interviews Lori Desrosiers, Editor of Naugatuck River Review
Ander Monson, Editor of DIAGRAM
Jendi Reiter interviews Ander Monson, Editor of DIAGRAM
Jenine Bockman, Co-Editor/Publisher of Literal Latté
Jendi Reiter interviews Jenine Bockman, Co-Editor/Publisher of Literal Latté
Timothy Monaghan, Editor-in-Chief and Publisher of The Ledge Magazine and Press
Jendi Reiter interviews Timothy Monaghan, Editor-in-Chief and Publisher of The Ledge Magazine and Press
