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What I Did in the 20th Century

Tony Peyser
Tom Howard/John H. Reid Poetry Contest 2009 (view all the winners)
Third Prize

I marched with Martin
I walked on the moon
I survived Pearl Harbor
I heard Bing Crosby croon.

I pitched to Babe Ruth
I studied with Yoda
I buried Paul
I married Rhoda.

I raised the flag
On Iwo Jima
I dropped the bomb
On Hiroshima.

I changed my name
From Cassius Clay
I saw Clinton shake hands
With JFK.

From Emily Post
I learned things proper
I sat at a diner
With Edward Hopper.

I did leg-lifts
With Hanoi Jane
I warned Tokyo Rose
That I knew John Wayne.

I went to Betty Ford
I changed my gender
I was Rodney King's
Public defender.

I never imagined
The Challenger's fate
I knelt by a body
Killed at Kent State.

I looked for Patty Hearst
I hugged Helen Keller
For three years I hid
Jews in my cellar.

I waved in Paris
To Lucky Lindy
I wrote TV scripts
For "Mork and Mindy."

I chased after Oswald
Was hurt at Wounded Knee
I pub-crawled with Sinatra
I ate a lot of brie.

I thought Y2K
Sounded ominous
I told Bill W.
To try anonymous.

I founded Time
With Henry Luce
I fixed the World Series
I flew the Spruce Goose.

I saw Audrey Hepburn
Help define glamour
I told Einstein E
Equals M.C. Hammer.

I met Woody Guthrie
I rode with Pancho Villa
I painted Norman Rockwell
I served in Korea.

I edited Margaret
Mitchell's only book
Julia Child begged me
To teach her to cook.

I was in a big band
I became a swinger
A disco dancer
A jazz singer.

My Edsel died
After just one block
I sold my burger joint
To Mr. Ray Kroc.

I bought a network
With William Paley
I traced my roots
With Alex Haley.

I built the Guggenheim
And Hoover Dam
I read my son
"Green Eggs and Ham."

Amelia Earhart
I never found
It was my idea
To give movies sound.

I boycotted grapes
I did time with Capone
I bought a computer
I gave Bill Gates a loan.

I guzzled Tang in space
I thought O.J. was guilty
I gave guns to the Contras
I watched Uncle Miltie.

I drove my Chevy
Across every state
I skipped my reunion
I hopped on a freight.

I showed Walt Disney
How to draw Mickey
I told Jackie Robinson
To call Branch Rickey.

Johnny Weissmuller
I taught to swim
J. Edgar Hoover?
I had dirt on him.

I designed bikinis
I got into Zen
I played The Beach Boys
For Barbie and Ken.

I took Elvis Presley
On panty raids
I cured polio
I didn't cure AIDS.

I gave baby advice
To Dr. Spock
I shouldn't have sold
My IBM stock.

I carved Mt. Rushmore
I used penicillin
I wrote child labor laws
I interviewed Dylan.

I hid the football
From Charlie Brown
I bought my first house
In Levittown.

I moved out West
With the Dodgers
My TV neighbor
Was Mr. Rogers.

I looked for aliens
With Mulder and Scully
I taught Martha Graham
The Hully Gully.

I stuck a flower
Into a cop's gun
I swore LBJ in
On Air Force One.

I was a salesman
With Willy Loman
The Joads picked us up
Not a good omen.

I helped tear down
The Berlin Wall
I subscribed to Ms.
I shopped at the mall.

I crashed parties
With Zelda and Scott
I let Gary Hart
Borrow my yacht.

I whispered "rosebud"
To Citizen Kane
I did nothing with George,
Jerry and Elaine.

I gave Madonna
A pair of cones
I didn't drink Kool-Aid
I got from Jim Jones.

I swallowed goldfish
I became a punker
I led the troops
To Hitler's bunker.

I was home alone
With Macaulay Culkin
I stole the ring
From J.R.R. Tolkien.

I heard fireside chats
Up at Manzanar
I shot Bonnie & Clyde
I went a bridge too far.

I painted skulls
With Georgia O'Keefe
I asked Clara Peller,
"Where's the beef?"

I got Gulf War Syndrome
I went to Rick's Café
I put in a bomb shelter
I was openly gay.

Saddam Hussein
I tried to waylay
I couldn't believe
The grace of Pele.

I went airborne with
Two brothers named Wright
I had a test tube baby
I drank a Bud Lite.

I crashed the Hindenburg
My food was organic
I spied on the Rosenbergs
I sank the Titanic.

I got arrested in
The quiz show scandals
For Princess Di
I lit some candles.

I placed a bet on
Secretariat
Will Rogers taught me
To twirl a lariat.

I aced Rod Laver
I caught Jeffrey Dahmer
I played golf with Ike
And Arnold Palmer.

I bought Imelda
Shoes in Manila
I captured King Kong
I wrestled Godzilla.

I helped decipher
The Dead Sea Scrolls
I ended The Cold War
I took Gallup polls.

I grabbed Hinckley's gun
I performed in Branson
I waited for Godot
I convicted Manson.

I told King Edward
To abdicate
I led the break-in
At the Watergate.

I subscribed to Mad
What, me worry?
Signed the peace treaty on
The USS Missouri.

I snapped the picture
Of that napalmed girl
At the Grand Ole Opry
I sang with Minnie Pearl.

I raised my eyebrows
Like Groucho Marx
I gave up my seat
To Rosa Parks.

I made RCA
Bring back Nipper
I helped win one
For the Gipper.

I played Monopoly
I used lots of Velcro
I told Johnny Carson
He had a swell show.

I taught Jack Nicholson
To smile that smile
I ate a banana at the
Scopes "Monkey Trial."

I took the Fifth on
Each HUAC query
I turned on & dropped out
With Timothy Leary.

I briefly went on a
Fast with Gandhi
I was lead guitar on
A tour with Blondie.

I saw women weep
For Valentino
I acted tough
Like Janet Reno.

I phoned E.T.
I chased Bugs Bunny
In 1929
I lost all my money.

I sang a duet
With Beverly Sills
I followed the Clampetts
To Beverly Hills.

I pulled off my shirt
Like Brandi Chastain
I looked for the wreckage
Of John-John's plane.

I heard Ellington play
And Caruso sing
I can't believe
I ate the whole thing.

I practiced pratfalls
With Laurel and Hardy
I played two seasons
For Vince Lombardi.

I helped create that
Beef Jerky snack
I went on the road
With Jack Kerouac.

I drove the freeways
I stood in breadlines
I watched the evening news
I read tabloid headlines.

I entertained troops
With Mr. Bob Hope
I kissed Marilyn Monroe
I used soap-on-a-rope.

I worked hard to free
Nelson Mandela
At The Apollo
I cheered for Ella.

I watched Krushchev as
He banged his shoe
I hummed "White Christmas"
On my kazoo.

With my Visa card
I shopped at Saks
I put tiny prizes
Into Cracker Jacks.

I lent my sports car
To James Dean
I went to Starbucks for
My daily caffeine.

I drank with Hank Williams
I made friends on the net
The basic right to vote
I helped women get.

I watched Shirley Temple
Become an adult
I passed the G.I. Bill
I escaped from a cult.

The Marlboro Man
Told me not to smoke
I drank Diet Pepsi
And Classic Coke.

I bought a Picasso
Met that Corleone hood
I raced through "Ulysses"
Using Evelyn Wood.

I watched Viagra
And the pill change sex
I heard the shots
Fired at Malcolm X.

I drove for Henry Ford
I fought at Verdun
I hung out with Warhol
I set my Phaser to stun.

I learned in Oz
There's no place like home
I got into trouble
With Teapot Dome.

I sold war bonds, joined
The Peace Corps gladly
I said, "Hey, Boo" when
I met Boo Radley.

I danced the Charleston
I invented The Twist
I cheated on Wall Street
Got a slap on the wrist.

On "Sesame Street"
I wore my Keds
Saw Klansmen under sheets
Commies under beds.

I sneaked one day
Into Batman's lair
I bought Teddy Roosevelt
A Teddy bear.

I played catch with
The Catcher in the Rye
I protected kids
At Columbine High.

I loved Lucy
I took Prozac
I made bathtub gin
I watched "Kojak."

In Lake Wobegon
I spent some time
I led Edmund Hillary
On his Everest climb.

I went to a lecture
By Stephen Hawking
I saw Christopher Reeve
In my dreams walking.

I worked for Edison
I danced with Nijinsky
I introduced Freud
To Ted Kaczynski.

One hundred years
In ninety-three verses
I can't get it all in
That's what the curse is.

I know there are holes
In my reminiscing...
But life's a puzzle with
Some pieces missing.

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What I Did in the 20th Century

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