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Wanted: Heartbreaker
Dear John Poem
This is for you—dear Mr. Reid— who judge too few who do succeed, when at submissions, blurry-eyed, you read and read, get mystified at “poets” you must wish to scathe— their poems need a paper lathe! Cut to the center of the pile, as many lodgings aren't worthwhile. Those titles—stinky—rhymers…
Dance of the Devil Woman
(after Robert Burns, “Tam O'Shanter”) When the hoodies have all left the street, And we hear the sound of stilletto'd feet, Girls clip-clop their way to the latest club, While the menfolk watch from inside the pub. The young ones sip their bottled beer While all decked out in designer…
Jillian Peet
All seekers of truth, come flock to my booth and I'll tell you a tale that's good It involves a young dame who puts most to shame when it comes to eating food Here at this fair, I've seen my share of those who can pack away the meat But…
Sestina to the Fox Hill Neighborhood Board Regarding My Lack of Compliance with the Holiday Decoration Guidelines as Outlined in the 10-13-12 Meeting Minutes
Though the Board is selling holiday cheer In the form of 8” diameter mailbox bows, I already have in my possession, an attention- Getting 9” bow, which showcases my individuality With its green pinstripe, unlike the solid red bows of my neighbors. Please reconsider my request to use this bow,…
Lessons in Posh Fingering
What I'm about to tell you is a secret none knows, About a discipline so dangerous, reserved only for those That are deemed worthy of its power so most men need not apply As few will ever master….. the Venus Butterfly. (Now for) the Venus Butterfly you'll need a firm…
Jay Steingold
Jay was born in the University of Washington Hospital and returned some years later to spawn and learn how to write creatively. His work has appeared in the UW's literary magazine “Quorum” in addition to various now defunct literary magazines and a Canadian anthology. He stores some of his poetry…
Katherine Meyer
Hazra Medica
Hazra C. Medica is a young writer with absolutely no writer's cred. She neither grew up poor in some fantastic ghetto somewhere. Nor has she any website to shamelessly peddle. She has a BA in something and a MA in another and will soon be starting a Ph.D programme (at…
George Mazzeo
George Mazzeo is a retired Air Force pilot who enjoys aviation, the outdoors, and writing whimsical verse. His literary heroes are Ogden Nash and Dorothy Parker. He also writes on the subject of professional ethics for continuing education providers. His book, Sleeping Dogs…Ethics in the Workplace, has been in publication…
Andre Levi
Andre Levi lives and writes in Santa Barbara, California. When not going running, playing music or saving homeless cats, she can be found writing psychology articles, quirky poetry or even quirkier short stories in local coffeehouses. She has articles or poems in inkbyte.com, SageTrail, and others. Personal and professional interests…
Louis Klomp
Louis Klomp is a forty something closer to fifty proud father of two young adults, full time small business owner, part time writer, wood carver, painter, rustic antique refinisher, and, of late, computer assisted music/song composer and reluctant home renovator. He was born, raised, lives, and will likely say his…
Jessica Kashdan-Brown
Jessica Kashdan-Brown was born in Bath, England in 1997 and has grown up within the same area or thereabouts. She is currently aged 13 and takes much interest in writing and reading. Her career path is undecided and she has no other published work save this poem, but if you…
Rachel James
Tanya Grove
Tanya Grove would name her firstborn child Wergle Flomp if it weren't for the fact that her first child has already been born and refuses to change her name despite the miniscule chance that it might increase her mother's odds of winning a poetry contest of the same name. When…
R.G. Evans
R.G. Evans is the author of Overtipping the Ferryman (Aldrich Press, 2014). His poems, stories and reviews have appeared in publications such as Rattle, Paterson Literary Review, The Literary Review, and Weird Tales, among others. His original music, including the song “The Crows of Paterson”, was featured in the 2012…
Jenny Doughty
Jenny Doughty is a British poet who has lived in Maine for almost eight years. She is a former English teacher, and Education Advisor to Penguin Books in the UK. In addition to poetry, she has also published the books Key Poets, an anthology of pre-20th century poetry, Historical Diaries,…
Diana Chickosky
Diana graduated from Sarah Lawrence College with a degree in sitting around thinking she was going to be the next great dark gritty american novelist. Her novel is currently sitting in a dark desk drawer collecting grit. It is, however, great (in her megalomanicial opinion) and she does often have…
Jackie Zollo Brooks
Jackie received her B.A. in Drama at Tufts. Her long acting career ended when a Shakespearean touring company found profit in children's shows, forcing Jackie to play Max in a bear suit in “Where the Wild Things Are”. Moving on, she fell headlong into the acid bath at Harvard University.…
Ryan Baker
Originally plagiarized by Clement Moore, “Twas The Night Before New Years” was Ryan Baker's first dip into the pool of competitive poetics. After finding himself a “vanity reject” by several poetry contests, I assume for nothing more than extreme awesomeness, he stumbled upon the legend of the great Wergle Flomp.…
Susan White
Susan White is delighted to live in a city whose motto is “Keep Asheville Weird”, and she's doing her level best to pull her weight. Besides keeping a comical dirt fishing (metal detecting) blog under the alias Andie Hawk (ahdirtfisher.blogspot.com), she and her five dogs parade through the city's experimental…
Jason Schossler
Jason Schossler is a Pushcart Prize nominee, and his work has appeared in The Sun, North American Review, and Antioch Review. He's been awarded fellowships from the Ragdale Foundation, the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts and Oberpfälzer Künstlerhaus in Germany, and he is the winner of the 2009 Edwin…
Will Ross
Will Ross is a Poet and Satirist living in Omaha, Nebraska with his pack of wild terriers. He is the author of two books, Cattywompus and The Schoolwork of Bobby Anderson. He hopes to one day be the focus of a Scientology SLAPP Lawsuit. More of his poetry can be…
Leslie McClintock
I've been a poet since third grade when I wrote my first, but by no means last, truly awful poem. As if the title, “My Mountains in Montana”, weren't bad enough, my teacher accused me of plagiarism. The bare bones facts are that I have an MFA in Creative Writing…
Paul Lojeski
Paul Lojeski grew up in Cleveland, Ohio. That pretty much says it all. His poetry has appeared in ABZ Press and Right Hand Pointing, and is forthcoming in Barrow Street. His poem “I'm No Pacifist” won the 2010 UDWC Green Heron Poetry Prize. He's seen in a photo with a…
Richard Hayes
Dick Hayes is a Liverpool-based Poet. He has produced a collection of poems and got a few merits plus honourable mentions in competitions. He wonders whether he is capable of writing the elusive novel that will break into the big time. Happily married to Hilary with five grandchildren and a…
Lauren Dunlop
Lauren Dunlop is an obnoxious 18-year-old who has been fully literate for several years now. Her career thus far has consisted of writing book reports, journals of her hopes and dreams, and texts to her friends. While on her GAP Year, she decided to combine her love of writing with…
James Roderick Burns
James Roderick Burns was born in the northeast of England in 1972. Educated at Balliol College, Oxford, he completed a Ph.D at the State University of New York in 1999 before returning to the United Kingdom. In 2009 he graduated with distinction from the Creative Writing programme at Oxford University.…
Scott Bailey
A recent recipient of the John Mackay Shaw Academy of American Poetry Award and a 2009 Pushcart Prize nominee, Scott Bailey received his MFA from New York University, and he is pursuing his doctoral degree in Creative Writing at Florida State University. He also received a M.A. in Creative Writing…
Benjamin Taylor Lally
Benjamin Taylor Lally seriously does not like Walt Whitman's poetry. He is humbled to be back in the finals of the Wergle Flomp competition. He hopes to someday write as elegantly as his 18-month-old daughter Sophia. He can be seen here surveying the capacious lands that surround his vernal home…
Wendy Waters
Since completing a three-year Literature course in 2000 I have written four musicals, “Scheherezade”, “Alexander”, “Goddesses”, and “Fred”, and a few manuscripts. My book The Medici Files, a humorous parody of The Da Vinci Code, was published by Zeus Publications. In 2007 I won the Women's Weekly/Penguin Short Story Contest…
Tabitha Bagatha
I am the high priestess of the temple of Miley Cyrus, of the Gregorian chapter. The words call to me, verily, and spit divine plasma into my auditory receptors, such that the grandness of her words rub up salaciously against the holy spark in me. I have a bachelor's degree…
Lauren Walker
Marilyn Gear Pilling
John Nuck
Twenty-two years ago, I earned a Masters of Arts degree in creative writing from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. I had been published in several small press magazines before entering the corporate world in 1988. I'm itching to get published again.
Hope
Dennis McLelland
The Old West has gripped my attention for years, especially intriguing characters such as “Liver Eating” Johnston (who purportedly ate the raw livers of his Native American enemies), Wild Bill Hickok, Doc Holiday, et al. I have completed a biography about Johnston entitled The Avenging Fury of the Plains. I…
Rick Lupert
Rick Lupert has been involved with poetry in Los Angeles since 1990. He is the recipient of the 2017 Ted Slade Award and the 2014 Beyond Baroque Literary Arts Center Distinguished Service Award, a three-time Pushcart Prize Nominee, and a Best of the Net nominee. He served as a co-director…
Emmalina Bear
Emmalina Bear is an artist based in Kent, with a penchant for the absurd. When not scribbling away short stories and poems (which she never gets around to sending off), she refashions found objects into clothes, artwork and instruments. Currently she is collaborating with the local Kent collective “Sealed with…
Danica Green
I am a UK-based writer of approximately everything who, since starting to submit writing to places for the first time in March, has been published, or accepted for publication, in 3:AM Magazine, PANK Magazine, Eclectic Flash Magazine, and over twenty anthologies by Silverland Press, Cinnamon Press, Lulu, Wicked East Press…
George Grace
George Grace is a visual artist, tournament chess player, playwright, fiction and nonfiction writer, and author of the poetry anthologies American Stonehenge and Other Poems (Circlformance Press) and soon-to-be published Night Wanes, Dawn and Wow, Philosophy (Writer's Den Books)—the latter of which will include the poem, “Bagging It”. He is…
Tim Goldstone
Poetry, short stories and articles published in various literary magazines, and included on BBC, Waterstone's, and Gloom Cupboard websites. Recipient of Welsh Arts Council short story masterclass scholarship. Prose sequence read on stage at The Hay Festival. Some material broadcast on BBC TV and radio, and performed in the theatre.…
Corey Ginsberg
Corey Ginsberg collects useless degrees, tennis shoes and obscure facts about The Beatles. She dislikes poodles and their stupid haircuts, the words “poop” and “gumshoe”, and hearing her voice recorded on answering machines. She spends far too much time wishing she was enrolled at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,…
Alice Friman
Alice Friman's newest collection of poetry is Vinculum from LSU Press. Work appears in The Best American Poetry 2009, The Georgia Review, Prairie Schooner, The Southern Review, The Gettysburg Review, and in the forthcoming 2012 Pushcart Prize Anthology. Professor Emerita at the University of Indianapolis, Friman now lives in Milledgeville,…
Dale Dewoody
Dale Dewoody is finishing his dissertation in Creative Writing at the University of North Texas where he studied and worked as a Teaching Fellow while finishing the final draft of his first book. He recently accepted an adjunct instructor position at John Brown University in Siloam Springs. He hopes to…
John Crowley
My name is John. Or as I often get referred to, Wrong John. There is a story behind this title, but let's save that for another day. I work selling various products and services over the telephone by day, pulling pints at night, and this is all punctuated by frequently…
Catherine Affleck
Catherine has no credentials. She also thinks that in order to become a poet she must don all black, pick up smoking, and leer down suspiciously at strangers on the street through the window shades of her dimly lit apartment, the fridge of which contains nothing but film, wine and…
Amoja Sumler
While I was born in Chicago and proudly called it home for close to a decade, the South is where I've invested most of my time, heart and career. Poetry has long been my passion, and while I can boast a number of skills in critical theory and information technology,…
Megan Elaine Davis
While waiting for her two cats to start contributing to the household income, Megan Elaine Davis writes “from a small peninsula” while wrapped in a purple blanket. Born and raised in Maine, she moved from New England to Old Blighty in 2007 after marrying an Englishman. She has published three…
Jennifer Moore
When not moonlighting as a nappy rapper/diaper diva, Jennifer can usually be found writing children's books. She is a former winner of the Commonwealth Short Story Prize and won an Honorable Mention in the 2011 Wergle Flomp contest.
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