Using Subtext to Add Depth to a Scene
Your book needs subtext. These exercises can make it happen.
—Annie Mydla, Managing Editor
You've got the characters. You've got the setting. You've got the plot. You've got the word count.
But where's your subtext?
Authors are often surprised when I bring up subtext in a critique or in the North Street Book Prize's free judging feedback. Their mind is still very much on what they've written, versus what they haven't written.
But it's what they haven't written—the subtext—that makes a book feel like a "real book".
Subtext is when a combination of ideas makes the reader draw a conclusion that's not stated by any of them. For example:
Rita was halfway out the door when her eleven-year-old brother called down the hall, "I'm hungry. Are we having lunch soon?"
She turned back. The hall was dim and quiet. She glanced towards the photo of her mom on the hatrack.
"Rita?"
"Coming," she said, leaving her key in the lock.
Here, no one tells us that Rita is in a hurry, that she would rather not make lunch for her little brother, or that she misses her mom (or possibly just thinks that her mom is the one who should be making lunch). We simply pick up on it due to the way the images and actions of the passage are arranged. That's subtext.
I think of subtext as a "level up" from more intuitive writing techniques like visual description, dialogue, and worldbuilding. With these "level one" techniques, the meaning comes from what you write down. With subtext, the meaning comes from what's in the reader's head. (See examples in this article at The Write Practice.) That's why it's such a powerful way to draw readers in.
Using or not using subtext in a scene can also guide craft choices about what to keep in or leave out. For example, Winning Writers head editor Jendi Reiter often tells writers to summarize mundane actions and conversations instead of writing them out—unless those details are highlighting what is felt but not said. The same mundane action or dialogue that's boring in terms of the plot can be great if used to create subtext.
Submissions with subtext make a huge impression on agents, publishers, and contest judges, because although it's one of the most immersive techniques an author can use, we don't see it as often as we'd like. Want to make us sit up and pay attention? Use subtext.
Exercise 1: Picking things that point
An underlying skill for subtext is "picking things that point". That means choosing imagery, sensory detail, action, spatiality, or symbols that suggest the implications you want to achieve. Imagine a town square. Write down at least five physical objects that could help change the setting to imply a different emotion:
- Cheerful
- Anxious
- Ambivalent
- Angry
- Serene
Example: Emotion is "feeling unsure". A flag that sometimes hangs limply and sometimes waves limply, pointing in all different directions. A cat that isn't sure where it wants to sit and keeps moving to different places. A nearby tourist who keeps reading the menu on one food truck, then another, then re-counting their cash before looking at the first one again. A statue of a horse and rider where the rider is facing one direction, the horse the other. The Town Council building, undergoing renovation, with patches of different paint test colors on its siding.
Try this exercise with multiple settings, like a doctor's office, living room, dog pound, IKEA employee break room, or any other space you can think of.
Exercise 2: Recontextualizing dialogue
Write a three-line, two-person dialogue that includes a few non-dialogue lines in the middle about setting. The dialogue could be about anything or nothing. Then reproduce the dialogue five times, once in each of the town squares you designed in the previous exercise.
Example of naked dialogue:
"Give me my fifty dollars!" said Anthony.
"It's my fifty dollars," said Traci. "You owed me."
They paused a moment as [lines about setting]
"I need to get a taxi," she said.
My naked dialogue in a town square that "feels unsure":
"Give me my fifty dollars!" said Anthony.
"It's my fifty dollars," said Traci. "You owed me."
They paused a moment as they neared the Town Hall. Two town council members were watching a workman hold a series of paint swatches up to the siding. The councilors didn't look convinced by any of them.
"I need to get a taxi," she said.
Exercise 3: Adding a reaction and its contradiction
For each of the five dialogues you created above, add a fourth line of dialogue with a character reaction that's verbally consistent with the emotion from the setting detail you added. Then add an action, body language, or other element contradicting that emotion.
Example ("feeling unsure"—adding a fourth line of dialogue):
"Give me my fifty dollars!" said Anthony.
"It's my fifty dollars," said Traci. "You owed me."
They paused a moment as they neared the Town Hall. Two town council members were watching a workman hold a series of paint swatches up to the siding. The councilors didn't look convinced by any of them.
"I need to get a taxi," she said.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
Example ("feeling unsure"—adding an action that contradicts the dialogue):
"Give me back my fifty dollars!" said Anthony.
"It's my fifty dollars," said Traci. "You owed me."
They paused a moment as they neared the Town Hall. Two town council members were watching a workman hold a series of paint swatches up to the siding. The councilors didn't look convinced by any of them.
"I need to get a taxi," she said.
"Are you sure?" he asked, turning his phone screen towards her. The app was open and the car was already on its way.
Some more examples of subtext that complicates the explicit action:
When the phone pinged, Deanna grabbed it before it had even stopped vibrating. It was Greg.
Ya so im still not inviting u to tht party
Deanna's thumbs flew over the screen. She couldn't stop smiling.
Loserr. Im so not intrested anyway
The reply came before she could even put the phone down.
C? U r so rude
Its bc i could nnver respect sum1 like u
The phone immediately began to ring. She giggled, glanced at the door to make sure it was locked, and picked up.
According to the language in the text messages, Deanna and Greg don't think much of each other. But Deanna's physical reactions show that they're flirting, not fighting. The final sentence shows that Deanna wants privacy for their phone conversation, suggesting that either there's something secretive about their relationship or that things are about to get steamy.
The sun was setting. Linda and Jolie clinked bottles. A mist was rolling in from somewhere far out on the lake. The arms of the Adirondack chairs were damp, but the women were dressed warmly. Linda'd made Jolie laugh when, after dressing her in a scarf and hat, she'd plunked another scarf over the hat.
"Here's to fifty-one years," said Linda.
"And fifty-one more," Jolie said back. She swiped her finger in the condensation that'd accumulated on her oxygen tank and ran it down the bridge of Linda's nose like she was a face painter at a country fair. Linda laughed and took her hand.
"We're redoing this god-awful decking," said Jolie. "We always say we will. It's going to rot right out from under us."
"Let's put it off another year. We got time." Linda glanced down at the maple boards, brand new in August. She could smell them.
"Sure, baby. What's another year." The women kept a hold on each other's hands. Jolie's didn't tremble.
Linda and Jolie's words are optimistic, but a few things suggest that Jolie is ill and might not live long: the extra scarf, the oxygen tank, and the facts that she can't remember the deck being redone or smell the new boards. The final sentence might also imply that Linda's hands are trembling.
Recommended books on subtext:
Elizabeth Lyon, Writing Subtext: How to craft subtext that develops characters, boosts suspense, and reinforces theme. A craft-based approach.
Charles Baxter, The Art of Subtext: Beyond Plot. A slightly more scholarly approach with many good examples, explained thoroughly.
Linda Seger, Writing Subtext: What Lies Beneath. Focuses on scripts, but many of the lessons can be applied to fiction and creative nonfiction.
Categories: Advice for Writers, Annie in the Middle
