Dusty Pearl
I wrestle with the shadows,
Wearing faces of those
Born before me,
Wielding the sword
Of repetitious sorrows.
And in the gamble
Of blind ambition,
I search wisdom
To understand,
How a grain of sand
Holds a sea of pearls.
I hunger for a love
That shines...
A child of captivity,
I hold the hem
Of a garment,
Passed through the ages.
I wear the dusty coat
Of choices made,
Tired and gray
Because it fit.
I seize the floating bits
That tease the light,
As dust returns to dust.
The kiss of Judas clothes me
In golden robes of fools
And crowns of tarnished silver,
Holding ransom
My simmering unrest,
Where blood runs on empty
Just under the skin.
In my search
To fill the depths,
I am blinded by the sand
In my eyes,
To the pearls
Lying in the expanse,
Of Him Who sees,
One in the other
It is His Will
To free the spirit,
And fill the void,
Building up
My sand foundation
Layer by layer,
Luster to luster,
Reflecting His vision
For me
In His eyes.
Copyright 2004 by Ellen Morgan
Critique by Jendi Reiter
This month's critique poem, "Dusty Pearl" by Ellen Morgan, caught my attention because of the many meanings it teases from a single metaphor. Though in a modern style, this piece recalls 17th-century metaphysical poets such as George Herbert and Henry Vaughan, who would build a complex theological argument around a central image such as a storm, a waterfall or a banquet.
"Dusty Pearl" presents a dialogue between two sets of images, corresponding to the speaker's imprisonment in destructive behavior patterns and her hope of transformation through God's love. The theme of heredity is set up by the title, which might suggest an heirloom long forgotten in the attic. We first encounter the speaker entangled in a conflict that seems to have no beginning and no end: "Wearing faces of those/Born before me,/Wielding the sword/Of repetitious sorrows." Those lines capture what it feels like to be trapped in family dysfunction, doomed to become both victim and perpetrator, down through the generations. "I wear the dusty coat/Of choices made,/Tired and gray/Because it fit." This garment, so worn and inferior, is chosen again and again out of habit, not because it is the best.
Contrasted to this coat is "the hem/Of a garment,/Passed through the ages." The speaker clings to this garment as salvation from her captivity. These lines recall the sick woman who was healed by touching Jesus' cloak in Luke 8:44.
Later in the poem, Morgan develops the metaphor further, by mentioning the false finery in which "the kiss of Judas" clothes the speaker. This might refer to the purple robe and crown of thorns in which the Roman soldiers clothed Jesus to mock his claim of kingship, a reading supported by the poem's overall concern with humiliation and the search for self-worth through faith in God.
The central metaphor of the pearl also has biblical resonance. In Matthew 13:44-46, Jesus compares the kingdom of heaven to a treasure hidden in a field, and then to a pearl of great price. In both parables, the protagonist sells everything he has in order to obtain the treasure or the pearl, but the precious thing itself takes effort to find.
Similarly, in this poem, the pearl of God's love is worth more than all of the world's withheld approval. However, the speaker must search for it amid the concealing sands of her own doubts and temptations. "In my search/To fill the depths/I am blinded by the sand/In my eyes," she confesses. What is the sand? It could be the dust of impermanent pleasures; the myriad irritations and worthless distractions of life; or the "blind ambition" that makes her erect a self on a "sand foundation."
But God turns this despised material into something precious. The grain of sand is the necessary irritant that prompts the oyster to create the pearl "Layer by layer,/Luster to luster." The promise of this transformation lends a hopeful gloss to images, such as the garment and the sand, that started out as symbols of spiritual bondage.
The one thing I would change about this poem is the stanza that begins "Holding ransom". While these four lines contain striking images, I wasn't sure how they fit with one another or with the poem's general argument. "Held ransom by my simmering unrest" would make more sense, since the unrest seems more like the obstacle than the victim. "Running on empty" is also such a familiar phrase that it weakens the impact of the line.
Where could a poem like "Dusty Pearl" be submitted? As I've noted before in this space, mainstream literary journals aren't always receptive to such traditional Christian verse. However, there are several quality journals that endeavor to bridge the gap between the language of faith and the world of modern poetry. See their websites for submission periods and guidelines:
Ancient Paths Christian Literary Magazine
Submit during October-April
First Things: The Journal of Religion, Culture & Public Life
Conservative Catholic intellectual monthly. Publishes 1-3 poems per issue
We would also recommend the following contests for this poem:
Soul-Making Literary Competition
Postmark Deadline: November 30
Poetry and prose contest for "personal writings that illumine the search for the sacred and the spirit"
Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg Annual Poetry Prizes
Entries must be received by December 10 (changed to November 6 in 2006)
New contest seeks shorter lyric poems "celebrating the spirit of life"
Chistell Writing Contest
Postmark Deadline: February 28
Contest for unpublished writers, from a small press focusing on women's and African-American literature. Free to enter
This poem and critique appeared in the November 2004 issue of Winning Writers Newsletter (subscribe free).
Categories: Poetry Critiques
