Nullipara

By A.M. Thompson

nul·lip·a·ra (noun) A woman who has never given birth.

I am gill-less in a sea of the alive,
an ocean of female forces, dark and green.

This deprivation is ancient, biblical,
back to the days of fire pillars, ashes.

I feel too modern to be sistered back
to Sarah, to Elizabeth to time...

yet time is the deep that drowns the heart:
I see a burgeoning belly and cannot breathe.

Too basic to explain or understand,
I can only strive not to inhale the sea

then struggle up to gasp unholy air
and catch lost lullabies above the surf,

A primal music sorrowing this loss:
My songs of unforming—

ungrowing, and unborn.